Top Gear to South Africa

Monday, 08 March 2010 09:08

The power of the Clarkson effect

Of whom are you most envious? The usual suspects are, of course, the Hollywood celebrities and the world leaders, but I can guarantee that the person with whom most men (and a fair portion of women) would like to swap places is a guy called Jeremy Clarkson. Who would not want to swap places with someone who gets paid a small fortune to drive the most sought-after cars in the world, all over the globe’s top destinations?

For those of you who have been hiding under some rock for the last two decades (and I feel sure that even Osama bin Laden must know who Clarkson is, so there is no excuse) – Jeremy is the main host of Top Gear, arguably the most watched show in the world.

The Clarkson effect is a modern phenomenon. Some 350 million viewers worldwide tune in to Top Gear, BBC’s most popular programme, to watch the unholy trinity of Clarkson and his sidekicks Richard “The Hamster” Hammond and James “Captain Slow” May do violence to cars, play conkers with caravans and indulge in blokey pranks.

The multitudes devour his books that always end up at the top of the most notable best-seller lists.

The contagion affects all ages: from young boys who miraculously start reading thanks to Clarkson, and teenage girls who giggle helplessly at his black humour, to the aged. Many express a powerlessness to resist.

Clarkson even had a petition, signed by more than 264 000 people, sent to 10 Downing Street, asking for Gordon Brown to step down and for Clarkson to be made prime minister. It stated: “Clarkson is as close to a god [as] any mere mortal can get. His straightforward, no-nonsense attitude would make our country great once more.”

Clarkson has driven to the magnetic North Pole, dodged mortar rounds in Iraq and flown upside down in fighter planes, but perhaps the former public-school boy’s greatest achievement was tapping into the mind of the common man.

He was born into the modest surroundings of Doncaster to teacher, Shirley Gabrielle Ward, and travelling salesman, Edward Grenville “Eddie” Clarkson.

His parents ran a business selling tea cosies and had put the young Jeremy’s name down in advance for a number of public schools with no idea how they would pay the fees, until at the last moment when he was 13, they made two Paddington Bear stuffed toys for each of their children.

These proved so popular that they began selling them through the business, with sufficient success to be able to pay the fees for Clarkson to attend Hill House School, Doncaster and later Repton School.

By his own account, he was expelled from Repton School for “drinking, smoking and generally making a nuisance of himself”.

After his first job as a travelling salesman selling his parents’ Paddington Bears, Clarkson trained at the Rotherham Advertiser, where he got the idea of syndicating motoring columns.

Launching his own motoring press agency in 1983, he moved to London where he really became stuck into writing.

This background explains Clarkson’s meticulous approach to work, believes Nicholas Rufford, editor of The Sunday Times’ InGear magazine: “He is an old-school journalist who learnt his craft the hard way. He delivers copy on time, word perfect, and can produce stories very quickly, even on a train. His headed notepaper says, ‘Jeremy Clarkson, journalist’. That’s how he sees himself.”

Clarkson’s first columns for Performance magazine revealed an effortlessly fluent writer.

The Top Gear job came about by accident when a BBC producer, surrendering to the Clarkson effect, invited him onto the show. He presented it from 1988 to 1999 and then again from 2002, when it was relaunched in a new format.

Besides entertaining many people, Britain’s biggest motor mouth has put many noses out of joint. The “boring” Germans were not best pleased when he said their cars “should be built with a satellite navigation that only goes to Poland”. Nor were the Koreans, when he reminded them that “a dog is not just for Christmas. There should be some left over for Boxing Day”.

Is it passion or an act? “I care more about the colour of the gear knob on my Mercedes SLK than the amount of carbon dioxide it produces,” Clarkson proclaimed.

But his close friend, AA Gill, reveals a dark secret of the Clarkson household: “In his kitchen, he scrupulously separates all his rubbish into recyclable and non-recyclable items.”

And, says Gill, “He is far, far cleverer than he lets on.”

Whatever the truth may be, Clarkson has captured the hearts and belly laughs of many the world over and he is now gracing our very own shores with Top Gear Live in both Johannesburg and, for the first time, Cape Town.

Cape Town audiences will be entertained for the first time ever by Clarkson and Hammond, alongside local host, Sasha Martinengo.

Joining this iconic line-up will be the infamous “Stig” and the record-breaking Top Gear Live stunt driving team led by Paul Swift and
Terry Grant.

This year, the audience will be treated to an even more spectacular display in the live motoring theatre, once again combining high quality audiovisual, lighting and sound all put into action by Top Gear Live producer, Rowland French.

The live motoring performance incorporates the drama of film and theatre with the thrills and spills of stunts and special effects. The 2008/09 world tour played to sell-out audiences, entertaining over 312 000 visitors.

Leadership was privileged to speak to Clarkson and get the lowdown on his experience with the show to date, and his return to South Africa.

What do you enjoy most about performing live in front of such a large crowd?

The constant sense that something is about to go catastrophically wrong and you have to have your mind on to be able to deal with it. And that’s always the best bit for the audience – the bits that go wrong, which in every show they do.

What is it like doing the Cool Wall within a group of 57 000 people? Has the audience ever convinced you to change your mind?

No, it’s astonishing, we have been doing the Cool Wall for years and still nobody has got that it is still my opinion and that they are just to be rebutted. I like to hear other people have opinions on other cars, but they are just never correct (he said arrogantly, smiling).

Editor’s note: “Cruel Wall” – that is the nickname that some Hammond fans have used to describe one of the most popular features from the television show, The Cool Wall.

Why cruel? Because it has been one of Clarkson’s favourite ways of being ‘heightist’, deliberately sticking cars he rates as cool out of reach of the short Richard.

But at Top Gear Live, it is the people watching whose turn it is to decide what is hot (as in, what is cool) and what is not – the Top Gear Live Cool Wall is all about audience participation.

Has anything ever gone horribly wrong during a show?

The best thing that went wrong with the show was that Richard Hammond was accidentally sick, but he swallowed it so nobody actually saw any sick come out, but he walked up to me with his microphone down and said “I have just been sick, but don’t worry, I’ve swallowed it.”

If you could choose a piece of music that represents the tour, what would it be?

Bob Seger, “Turn the page”, from the 1976 album, Live Bullet [originally on the Back in ‘72 album]. It’s about being on the road with the echoes from the amplifiers ringing in
your head.

What do you most enjoy about travelling with the tour?

By far, apart from performing live and travelling, is just the helicopters and powerboats.

And this year, we have been promised even bigger ones. I want a Pershing 115.

Is there any rivalry between you and the local co-presenters?

No, none at all. They realise that they are just like pets. No, they are not, they are genuinely good guys, love them to bits and very good fun to work with.

Particularly last year, without James, having those two to work with was a thousand million times better than working with James.

It’s good having them there because they know the country that we are in better than us and they can point out things that we have got wrong miles/kilometres, and obviously they get kilometres wrong.

They are also funny guys, plus all of them are able to get thoughts and opinions across much quicker than James.

What car would you steal from the show?

The Audi R8 V10 and the Aston Martin DBS Volante.

Do you have a most memorable moment from last year’s tour?

Probably being stung by a wasp on my arm in New Zealand, that was very memorable as my arm swelled up and looked like one of
my legs…

Oh, and the promoter trying to convince us that the woman in Oz was his wife.

If you could put any car from history on the show, what would it be?

The Ferrari 275 GTS – possibly one of the worst Ferraris ever made, but unbelievably good-looking.

Which nations have the rowdiest crowds?

Joburg or Ireland, it’s a toss-up between the two.

What city would you like to visit on the next tour?

Buenos Aires, but it would be pointless, since no one knows what Top Gear is. So probably Bucharest because it’s fantastic. Other than that, Warsaw; I’d love to go there.

Who out of the group is the worst travel buddy, and why?

Richard Hammond is furious, he loses his temper every 32 seconds.

And James May – when you land in Joburg, you find out that he is in LA, saying, “Sorry, I think that I might have got on the wrong plane.”

What do you do to prepare before you go on stage?

Nothing.

Do you know what the Stig does to prepare before you go on stage?

Yes. Nobody wants to know what the Stig does.

It involves brutal, brutal violence.

Are there any stories you can share with us about the Stig on last year’s tour?

Yes, but I can’t go into them. Some of it involves the harming of goats.

What are you most looking forward to doing in Dublin?

Getting back to that nightclub that we went to last year and nicking that band’s equipment again. The band went to the bar and we took over till 4 in the morning. Our band is called “The shittiest band in the world”.

If you had to pick a car to drive across Europe, what would it be?

The Aston Martin DBS Volante.

Having travelled throughout the world for TGL last year, what makes the Irish reaction to the event stand out among other countries? Was the Irish audience more enthusiastic about the event?

The great thing about Ireland was that it was like being in the last days of Rome – they could see the terrible recession coming and they thought, “Should we tighten our belts? No, f*** it!”

There was a sense that you were at an orgy at the End of Days.

It was a lively place and I’m hoping that they are thinking, “Well, we are in the middle of a recession so we could stay in, but f*** it, let’s go out and get drunk again!”

What are you most looking forward to doing in Hong Kong?

Really looking forward to getting a Pershing 115.

If you had to pick a car to drive across Asia, what would it be?

The Aston Martin DBS Volante.

What are you most looking forward to doing in Joburg?

Going back to the Butcher Shop & Grill, which is a really good restaurant, and I’m quite looking forward to going into the Cradle of Mankind to sit and watch a giraffe watching me eat my lunch.

What are you most looking forward to doing in Sydney?

Coming from our incredibly expensive hotel to the Acer Arena on a Pershing 115.

If you had to engineer a car that screamed Australia, what would you call it and what features would it have?

Holden V8.

What are you most looking forward to doing in Auckland?

Coming from our incredibly expensive hotel to the ASB Showgrounds on a Pershing 115.

We hear that there is going to be a stunt school at TGL this year to teach fans how to do driving stunts. Do you think that this is a good idea?

It will just make them better at the stunts that they do.

How do you feel about performing in Cape Town for the first time in the coming weeks?

I loved every minute of the world tour and am looking forward to returning to Joburg and taking the show to Cape Town for the very first time.

Once again, we’ve taken the best bits of Top Gear, and will be attempting them live in the arena. It’s ambitious, but I’m sure it will work out well.

Robbie Stammers

Sourcing info on Jeremy Clarkson:
“Sunday Times UK”

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