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Zelda la Grange speaks exclusively to LeadershipIt is, as they say in South Africa, a hell of a thing. Rags to riches, redemption, love: there is a smattering of all the fairy tale classics in the story of Zelda la Grange, a young Afrikaner girl who rose from middle-class obscurity and a blindly ignorant apartheid past, to win the affection and trust of a black man who was once the most feared enemy of her family and her volk – and is now, by global consent (volk not excluded), the greatest political figure alive.
La Grange, now 39, has stood alongside Nelson Mandela since he became president of South Africa 16 years ago. She has been his secretary, butler, aide-de-camp, spokesperson, travelling companion, confidante and honorary granddaughter, growing ever closer to him from the day she began work as an anonymous typist in the presidential office in 1994.
When he ended his presidential term in 1999, La Grange became his de facto gatekeeper, a position that gave her a tremendous amount of power, as well as access to famous
people everywhere.
For there has not been – and there still is not – a political leader, a Hollywood actor, a pop singer, a famous footballer who has not longed to be photographed alongside him. Which has meant that everyone, from Bill Clinton to Robert De Niro to Elton John to David Beckham, has had to curry favour with her to some degree.
And when the time comes for the celebrities to have an audience with the grand old man, La Grange has invariably stood alongside – meeting them not as the hired help but, acknowledged with all due deference for what she is, as a member of Mandela’s innermost retinue.
Spending time with a man such as Madiba on a 24-hour basis, day in and day out, must have provided you with some wonderful memories. You clearly are not simply there to assist him, but have become good friends over the years. What are some of the memories that stand out for you?
I won’t be so conceited as to consider myself Madiba’s friend. I adore and respect him, but there is a distinct line between professionalism and familiarity.
We spent much time in one another’s company while we travelled, but I have always tried to respect his privacy and not force myself into his private space or become familiar in such a way that I intrude. I don’t linger around at his house when I have no purpose or specific reason to be there.
So, I am not his friend and we are not family, but that doesn’t mean I care less for him.
There are so many memories that it is difficult to choose only a few.
One I recall involved an unscheduled visit by two gentlemen (rich and influential people) who went to his house one day without my knowledge, and they asked him to endorse something.
Bear in mind that Madiba established his office and employed us to conduct and enforce a certain, specific work protocol for him and regarding matters concerning him. That’s why anyone presumably has a secretary/assistant/manager/chief executive officer or whatever title you want to give it.
He told the visitors to discuss the issue with me first, as I needed to consult others, but they tried to stop him from calling me, as they said they “were scared of me”.
So he called anyway and I went over to the house, finding the two very nice gentlemen in his lounge. He told me laughingly how they had told him that they were scared of me, and he was highly amused by it. My response was that they had reason to feel that way, as they knew better than to approach him directly with their proposal.
I remember working very hard over Christmas for a few consecutive years before the Nelson Mandela Children’s Fund took over management of the annual Christmas party Madiba held in Qunu. I packed parcels day and night before Christmas morning. You only get an idea of exactly what packing 20 000 plastic bags is really like once you have packed them yourself!
The camaraderie between the village children who came to help, even our security and medical staff and some of Madiba’s grandchildren, was precious.
Madiba inspires one to do things that one never could have imagined otherwise. It was a great way to end the year by doing something so meaningful and contributing to Madiba’s wish that the children from the surrounding rural areas who visited his farm on Christmas Day received at least one parcel of sweets/food and toys per year.
As you may know, the annual Christmas party grew too large and became a safety risk. So the Nelson Mandela Children’s Fund intervened and decentralised it to regions.
I also recall a time when Madiba and I started finding our working relationship. He was then president of South Africa and was the negotiator between the now late Laurent-Désiré Kabila and Mobutu Sese Seko. They were to negotiate in neutral waters off the Democratic Republic of Congo, which meant Madiba was aboard the SOS Outeniqua. They didn’t show up and Madiba was determined to stay until they did.
He left South Africa unprepared, thinking that he would be back the same night. Five days later, he was still stuck on the ship. Cellphones had been just introduced in South Africa and there was only one satellite phone on the ship, so communication was problematic.
I was very alert at the time (26 years of age) and always responded after only one ring on my cellphone. As a result, the president continued to call me because I would respond so quickly and act on any instruction any time of the day or night. I arranged for his household staff (this was before he was married to Mrs Machel) to send some personal goods, newspapers etc. for him with the relief pilots who left South Africa.
I think the president appreciated the urgency and seriousness with which I dealt with the entire process. Many people had to be kept informed of progress and his whereabouts, and I would diligently keep all parties informed day and night.
Have you changed as a person after being by his side for so long? And if so, how?
Oh, yes, of course. How can you not?
I look at people with more respect. I treat people with respect and I process things in my own mind before I make decisions. I think differently and I sometimes find myself coming up with unusual explanations for issues, which confirm I have become a different person.
I am the first to admit that I still lack the maturity that develops with time to reach my best potential and am quick to react sometimes, but as the years have passed, I have definitely become more grounded within myself as a result of both Madiba AND Mrs Machel’s influence.
I have an urgency to do good and to contribute to anything that alleviates suffering.
I’ve learnt that the only thing that matters is what is within yourself and the processes you undergo to get to your decisions and to be true to yourself.
And I’ve learnt to listen before I speak and to be the first to admit when I’ve made a mistake, to apologise and to move on.
I have always been averse to procrastination, but now more than ever if the reason is right.
I recently shared some things with Mrs Machel about my personal life, and she said: “Nothing in life is perfect. Life hands you imperfections all the time. You are the only one to decide with how much imperfection you can live without having to compromise yourself.”
How can anyone wake up the next morning pretending to have forgotten such profoundness and not allow for it to influence your life?
My motto in life now is best described in the words of Alan K. Simpson: “If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don’t have integrity, nothing else matters.”
What are the qualities that you admire most about Madiba?
The fact that he consciously decides there is no bad or evil in any human being until they have really shown him reason to be questioned. The fact that he respects people and their integrity the way he does. Also, his ability to be the master of his soul.
I am a bit more of a cynic because I’m not him and not part of him and I see things differently from a distance.
The fact that he always puts the goodwill of others above himself, his unselfishness and inherent good heart. His forgiveness, obviously, and the fact that doing good and doing the right thing is part of the fabric of the person he is.
Also, the way he inspires those willing to listen and learn to become the best they can be, and his willingness to accept when he has faltered – and apologise.
Is there something about Madiba that South Africa does not know? Any particularly endearing qualities about him that we as the public are not privy to?
Not that I can think of, or anything I have seen.
I think precisely because he is the same person as the public persona makes him such a revered politician and public figure.
He is sincere, and everything positive you have seen and read about him is true to the real person.
Has being the personal secretary to Madiba impacted on your personal life? Do you still have time to be with family and friends?
Oh, yes, of course it impacted on my personal life. When I was 24, I had a few good friends, a close family and a simple life. When people made the association, things changed. You sometimes outgrow your friends; some I lost along the way as our lives went in different directions. Some wanted to take advantage of my association and I had to come to the realisation out of desperation that I needed to protect myself from exploitation or being taken advantage of.
I am unfortunately – or perhaps fortunately – an extremely sensitive introvert. I find it difficult to open up in my private life and to tell people exactly how I feel about things; and the more my professional life absorbed my private life, the easier it became to avoid having to deal with personal issues.
Also, the cynicism that comes as a result of this type of job, including my natural scepticism, is indeed not a good combination for a personal life.
I have a few friends who can identify with my fears and who are sensitive to my situation.
I am by nature a very focused person and for many years, my job was all that I lived, ate, slept and did. Few people really and honestly can comprehend that type of almost obsessive focus.
Then a point arrives when you want the simple things back which brought you so much pleasure before. Things become too complicated and our lives follow a full circle back to the point where the most ordinary things become the most important again.
Don’t get me wrong: until the end of my life, I will never stop being appreciative of the opportunities and growth I have experienced as a result of the exposure and empowerment Madiba afforded me. But now that he is retired and things are a bit more manageable, you do want the contentment that only simplicity and the ordinary things can bring.
Since we stopped travelling in the last few years, I have had much more time for friends and family, but people like me invent things to do when they feel they don’t have enough to do, so I currently feel overwhelmed again because I initiate things that absorb all my time and energy.
However, I read “ultimately, we all sit down to a banquet of consequences”. Right now, there are 22 courses being served at my banquet. We learn that choices equal consequence.
I have no regrets, but have submitted myself to the bigger picture and I can go to bed at night knowing that I tried my best in whatever I had to deal with, utilising my knowledge and my experience.
When people learn who you are, do they try to exploit you? I am sure as the gatekeeper, it must have been stressful at times.
Yes, people assume by befriending me I will connect them, give them privileged information or open doors for them or make them rich. But what they don’t consider is if I had such powers, I would be living on an exotic island with 50 of my best friends, not having to worry about my sudden ludicrously high utility bill!
I complained to my mother the other day about all the pressure and the fact that I was not having time for anything. She reminded me of something she probably said when I was 20 years old, but chose not to hear at the time, so it came as a new revelation: honest hard work is the only way to achieve anything.
How was your first meeting with Madiba?
Emotional. I was scared of him at first. I had a picture instilled in my head that all presidents should be dictators.
Reaching out to me to shake my hand and speaking to me in Afrikaans the first time we met, immediately broke down all defences I had. I was completely shocked by his approach, his kind eyes and friendly smile, and I felt sorry for him because he was not a young man and I tried to comprehend what 27 years must have been like in prison while my entire life only added up to 24 years at the time.
Were you politically aware in your youth, or were you like most youth who grew up in the 1980s – blissfully unaware?
I was completely unaware and lacked knowledge about any politics in the 1980s. We were segregated and it all seemed fine to me.
My first awareness about politics came in the late 1980s when males in my brother’s age group had to do military service. We are only two siblings, and he was scared to go to the army, so I obviously tried to understand that fear by asking questions.
It was as simple as he was expected to go fight black people at the border with dangerous weapons, and his life was in danger if he had to do that.
I had no understanding or interest in politics whatsoever.
Are you aware that you are considered a person of considerable influence?
No! Who says that? Can they tell my enemies? (laughs) It’s definitely a misunderstanding of some sort.
I definitely don’t have hidden powers – trust me, I’ve searched for those myself.
I don’t influence the strength of the rand or any political policy. That is what I consider influence.
Has the thought ever crossed your mind to resign and do something else?
Oh yes, many times, like in any job. We won’t be human if we don’t find dissatisfaction in the most seemingly satisfying circumstance.
Sometimes the pressure or politics becomes unbearable and you want to walk away.
One day, back in 1995, I spoke to the president about a task he had given me which was clearly going to upset my peers if I executed it. I will never forget his words: “This is not a place for cowards. If you are going to be a coward, you are not going to last here for long.”
After so many years in Madiba’s service, what will you do when he is no longer with us?
It may be a big mistake to think that he may be gone and I will still be around. It is futile making such plans, but if it happens in that order, I will continue what I do now, but exclusively for other people.
My passion is in organising and serving. I know how to pay meticulous attention to minute details. I know how small things that go wrong can ruin everything. I am blessed with a healthy brain and common sense and it is therefore easy for me to be practical and sensible in strategising and executing plans.
I have started a business in the travel industry to provide the kind of service to VIPs which will meet their expectations while in our country – with the understanding of the need for discretion, but also taking into consideration the diversity of our circumstances.
I have been concerned most of my career with logistics, conceptualising and then executing plans, and I know the industry well enough to service the highest level of VIP clientele.
Your name for Madiba is apparently Khulu; what do you love most about your Khulu?
His sense of humour and the way in which he finds good in anything seemingly bad.
You are now very involved in the 46664 events – is this a passion of yours? Can you tell us what that job entails?
I was involved with fund-raising for different things over the years. First the Christmas parties, then helping Madiba get business for his schools and clinics projects, and then ad hoc projects he initiated from time to time.
When the Foundation started, I became involved in other fund-raising projects, and in the past few years with 46664.
Last year, I withdrew my involvement, as it was never part of my job description, and it consumed too much of my private time which I considered a new privilege since Madiba’s retirement.
I am involved in Nelson Mandela Day and, with a colleague at work, I initiated the Bikers for Mandela Day project. It doesn’t involve any fund-raising, but only sponsorship to cover the overheads of the group travelling through the country. The aim is to advocate for Mandela Day, visit community projects, and encourage the public to participate and contribute to welfare projects within their own community.
Once Madiba has sadly passed on, will you possibly stay on and continue your work with the foundation and 46664?
Again, there is a good chance I could go first. It is pointless planning that far in advance, and who knows what the future holds? I live for every day right now and my schedule doesn’t allow me to think beyond tomorrow. So no, I don’t have a long-term plan.
What does Zelda la Grange do in her ‘spare time’? What are your pastimes?
Right now, I sit in front of my computer in my ‘spare time’ – at night and over weekends. I try to juggle all the balls and meet the demands of people.
We know that the months leading up to Madiba’s birthday are always our busiest time of year. This year, with the World Cup, it is busier than ever.
I have very little time for anything else, but when I do have time, I ride my motorbike or walk my dogs or spend time in nature.
Being overwhelmed by people “wanting” all day from one and having to say “no” 99% of the time consumes much energy. I therefore need a lot of time alone and by myself to recalibrate my thoughts and emotions, which is sometimes difficult for people to comprehend. I am not a particularly slow person and I function at my best under pressure – but I need time to think about things and consider all approaches.
I am not a “loner” and I love the people in my life dearly, but they know I am complex and that circumstances require me to have much downtime from anyone and everyone. I easily become claustrophobic when surrounded by people all the time.
I have always been a “people pleaser” and would accept invitations or agree to things and then be even more frustrated when I did not have time to myself. Only in the last year have I started being a bit more assertive about my time and space because I realise how unhealthy such a situation can be for you in the long run.
Can we anticipate a book from you?
I have learnt the truth in “never say never”.
Will I write a book about Nelson Mandela? Well, no, I don’t consider myself a good enough writer to do him justice.
Will I write about something else? Who knows?
I recently read something beautiful: “Some people spend their entire lives stringing and unstringing their instrument while the song they came to sing remains unsung.” I cannot continue stringing and unstringing my life for the rest of time and neglect my purpose or passion in life.
Few people in life find their passion and then pursue it. I am determined to follow my passion. ▲
Robbie Stammers
