The obedient parent

Fathers and mothers who feel that they have to work like slaves to sustain and serve their families, can rest assured that they are living up to the original tradition and roots of the family. It is in fact in the ancient Roman time of slaves and servants that the concept of a family originated. Some core wisdoms, or romantic notions if you wish, about families – like family values – are actually of very recent history.

The word family makes its appearance in the English language only at the end of the 14^th century via Middle English. It is from the Latin word familia, which indicated a household, or more accurately the slaves or servants of a household.

Familia in turn derived from the Latin words famulus (male) and famula (female) used to indicate individual slaves.

According to almost all sources we could find, the word morphed from its classical meaning to the modern meaning of mother, father and children, grandparents and possibly others living together. It is uncertain when and how it became expanded to include all those connected by blood, whether living together or not, but a reference to such in writing is first found in 1667.

Expressions

As often happens, some common expressions followed over time in the wake of the “new” word in the language.

In the case of family, as far as it can be traced in writing, there followed, among others:

• In 1796 in the family way to indicate a woman who is pregnant;
• In 1809 we find the expression family circle;
• Then in 1856 the expression a family man to indicate a man who is fully committed to his wife and children; and
• Earlier in 1788 there also appeared a slang use of family to indicate a fraternity of thieves – maybe a forerunner to the term Costa Nostra as analternative/synonym of Mafia?

The notion of family values, however seems to be a modern one. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary the first known use of the term dates back to 1916. At Etymology online it is noted that the “buzzword family values (was) first recorded in 1966.” Neither of the two sources, however gives more information about the “who” or the “where” of their claims.

What we do know is that the debate about family values acquired considerable political importance in a 1992 speech by then American vice-president Dan Quayle that attributed the Los Angeles riots to a breakdown of family values. Quayle specifically blamed the violence in LA as stemming from a decay of moral values and family structures in American society.

Some quotations

In the age in which we live, where giving a naughty child a smack has become just about a criminal offence and there is constant demand to get the childern from one practice or additional class to another, we have coined the phrase: We live in the age of the obedient parent.

But there are plenty of quotes about family and life surrounding it, loaded with anything from wisdom to humour. Here are three of my favourites:

-      For those with a deep sense of responsibility; Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist – Michael Levine.

-      For the cynics among us; The first half of our lives is spoiled by our parents, and the last half by our children – Jennifer James

-      For those with a sense of humour; If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance – George Bernard Shaw

A final thought

Going back to the roots and origins of the concept of family brought this thought to me: Do we always afford domestic workers, be they mothers/wives or hired hands the respect and acknowledgement that they as core members of the family deserve?